My Recipe Magic.

Giving this "My Recipe Magic" a try. You can upload your own recipes, link back to your blog and maybe even make some additional cash if people download your recipe. We'll see how it goes :) so this is just a test run --- spur of the moment so I don't have pictures. Next time!

It also has cool features that you can plan menus, make your own cookbook, check out nutritional value of your meals and so much more. I'm kinda excited about it! Link to it here.

First recipe - just a simple side dish that actually the whole family likes --- even my non-veggie eating 3 year old son!

Sweet and Savory Baked Sweet Potatoes

Cubed sweet potatoes with just enough of the "sweet" with spices to balance out the rest. Perfect addition to any meal --- and kids love them too! Promise!

Ingredients:

2 Large or 3 Small Sweet Potatoes - peeled
2 tbsp olive oil
2-3 teaspoons cinnamon
salt and pepper to taste
Olive oil Pam for baking

*2 tbsp honey - optional

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees
Cut sweet potatoes into approximately 1 inch cubes. (They don't have to be perfect but you do want them to be close to the same size for equal cooking time)
Using medium size bowl, mix sweet potatoes with your olive oil and cinnamon. (I usually dig in with my hands to make sure it's evenly coated)
Place cubes on baking sheet covered with aluminum foil for easy clean up (coat foil in Pam spray first). Make sure they are evenly dispersed and have enough room to "breathe"
Sprinkle salt and pepper to taste --- in my opinion, the more the better but up to you :)
Bake at 350 for approx 15-20 minutes. Once you can shake them loose from the pan, they are ready to flip with large spatula. Bake for another 10-15 minutes until starting to brown and get crispy on outside but still soft on inside.
*Side note: sometimes I will drizzle honey at the end of the cooking time. Too early and I find it burns pretty quickly.

Great side dish, especially for pork, chicken, or turkey in the fall.

4th of July 2013.

I've totally been slacking on the bloggy end. I guess because our days kinda run together with swimdates, playdates, more swimming, sleeping, and just having fun! At any rate, here's an actual, real live post. With pictures. As is our terrible habit, we brought our "real" camera and left it in the car all weekend. Thankfully, trusty i-phone came through and my brother took some "real" pictures with his "real" camera. Great time and it was wonderful to escape, even for just a couple of days.

Wednesday:

We left for the RR mid-morning so we could beat the traffic and perhaps get there in time for the kids to take a nap (hahahahaha, oh I kid myself). Packing is getting easier and easier these days. No more bottles, formula, very few diapers, no special utensils or food or pack 'n plays --- just 4 pairs of clothes per day for the princess (she has to change at least that many times, oh my - not because she's dirty but because she likes clothes), a couple of sippy cups, and some pull ups. I used to have an Excel spreadsheet 50 items long but that's out the window. What a relief! And thank you, sweet baby Jesus, for portable DVD players. The kids watched Nemo (tolerable for background noise) and then episodes of Mickey (not so tolerable) all the way there. No fuss, no muss. I was a little worried about Q given she hasn't traveled so far since she potty trained, but she was a champ. No accidents the entire time we were there --- and let's just say she's more regular than I am on vacation (TMI???). 

When we got there, Ma was wonderful enough to let us drop off the babies so Matt and I could go have a quiet lunch and a couple of hours to ourselves. I can't remember the last time that a) we had afternoon free time just the 2 of us and b) we didn't have to pay a sitter. What a revelation! Anyway, we went to a really cute wine bar in downtown and had a great lunch with a couple of adult beverages. So nice. And the temperature in Austin was tolerable for once, low 90s, so it was pleasant to just walk around.

The kids immediately got busy with the water table, swing set, sandbox, playroom and all the other goodies Ma had for them. Including about 6 oatmeal cookies. What happens at Grandma's....well, let's just say they are lucky to have a great Ma. And a mean mommy who doesn't often let them have cookies :)

Later on, their cousins Ady and Riley joined them for the fun. Too cute to see them all running around together since they don't get to see each other very often. We ended up going out to eat with Ma, Uncle Zebbie, Aunt Emmy, Uncle Christian, and Aunt Stacey with all the kiddos and they had a total blast. We finally had to depart at about 8pm since we had been going since 5:30am and headed to our hotel. Now that the kids are used to "big beds", it makes it difficult for us to stay anywhere so we opted for a little suite and said a prayer. By the time they figured out who was sleeping with whom, it was well after 10pm. I got Quinn and proceeded to have potentially the worst night sleep ever (no offense little girl). For a child who isn't super cuddly when she is awake, asleep is a different story. We slept on approximately 1/8th of the pullout sofa and she settled somewhere in between my neck and shoulder blade :) The place we stayed had free breakfast so that was a new, fun experience for the kids. Ryan especially liked his "Texas Waffles" while Q settled for her standard yogurt and cereal.

Thursday (4th of July)

We headed out early (relative) to go to Ma's house. She lives in downtown RR along the parade route so it's the perfect viewing spot. Finally, after many twists and turns, we ended up parking 1/2 mile away from her house and hoofing it. Or actually me carrying Ryan and Quinn sprinting. We made it in time for the parade thank goodness. And Ma had such the set up ---- Mimosas and Bloody Mary's, plus all sorts of breakfast goodies. Not to mention her precious house was straight out of Americana with all the wonderful flags and landscaping. Great job, Ma!

Ryan stayed glued to the parade the entire 2 1/2 hours. And yes, I said 2 1/2 hours. I am convinced they let anyone who had a cool car or a little posse they could get together into the parade. At any rate, it should be of no surprise that he was enraptured by all of the "fast cars" as he calls them. He didn't care much for the candy throwing though. Q was into that for a bit and got over it. She mostly bounced from parade to house, to snack table, parade, house, rinse, repeat.

After all the excitement, we could see the babies were fading fast. Time for a quick lunch and hotel. After little sleep and hot temperatures, Matt and I were exhausted and just prayed the kids would take a nap. Didn't happen but we did lay in a dark, cold hotel room for a couple of hours to rejuvenate ourselves. Then it was off to Uncle Blaine and Aunt Tina's house for a little hamburger cookout. And of course this happened on the way there...

Out like little lights for a good 20 minutes.

Once we got to Uncle B's, the cousins had some time to hang with K-Bug who is just delicious. I love this little miracle so much. Although she's not so little anymore. That child is growing by leaps and bounds. Blaine cooked some yummy hamburgers and hot dogs for the kids. Quinn, per her usual vacation eating style, had filled up on junk all day, so she didn't eat much but Ryan had almost 2 full hot dogs. That's this kids new favorite food. Whatever, I'll take it because at least it's food and not chips or cheese.

We had a little excitement on the back patio waiting for the burgers. I was in the middle of telling a story and suddenly felt intense pain on the back of my left leg. It took me what seemed a sweet forever to figure out that I was being stung. And then I started hollering and jumping up and down, trying not to cry. To my credit, since the kids were outside with us and I didn't want to scare them, I tried to stay fairly calm. No cursing which is sort of unbelievable. Anyway, I limped inside and the boys figured out I had been stung by a yellow jacket. Fun stuff. Those things HURT. And they swell up  pretty quickly. And stay bruised for days. I don't remember the last time I was stung by a bee but goodness, it has to have been YEARS and YEARS.

Blaine took some fun pictures for us as as the kids ran around and then it was back to the hotel again so we could attempt some sleep. Which didn't  happen until sometime after 11:00pm. This time I got Ryan who was pretty delightful after the night before. At least he mostly stays on his side of the bed. But damn, he has quite the roundhouse kick and apparently he likes to flip upside down in bed at odd times of the night.

We took our time the next morning getting ready and then finally headed back to Houston. Even though their typical nap isn't until 1:30 or 2:00pm, they were out as soon as we got on the interstate at 11am. And pretty much slept door to door. Lovely.

The rest of the weekend was spent recovering and catching up on sleep, swimming, detox-ing with some yummy meals, a birthday party, and just relaxing. So wonderful to have Matt home with us for 6 whole days. He's just so good with them and way more patient than I am. Since he went back to work, I think I've said "I want Daddy home" more than the kids :)

Hope you all had a wonderful and relaxing 4th!

Yes. It really is this hard.

Let's not sugarcoat it.

3 is hard.

Toddler is hard.

There are some amazing moments --- a lot of them actually. But there's a whole lotta hard mixed in there.

I have a kid.

For almost 2 7/8 of her life, she slept without complaint. Anywhere, anytime.

Gigi bragged about it.

I felt really good about myself.

Darn, I am good.

Then hit potty training. Whoa, whole new beast

She's doing amazing. A couple of accidents but otherwise we are good.

Sleep has gone by the wayside.

And the irony of it is that the child still needs sleep. I see it in her eyes.

(My mom told me that for years and it used to annoy me to no end. Generational annoyance continues)

Yes, yes, developmental changes. I know this. I have googled it. Over and over and over.

Ryan continues to sleep happily and anytime we ask. Mostly. Unless he is missing one of his 8 bazillion toys that I impale myself on when I try to tuck him in. 

(*author's note; since I wrote this, R is potty training. I am again going granola and letting him figure it out himself. So unlike my personality but it's working. 4 days ago he screamed emphatically "NO POTTY" and now he has just decided it's cool. Or the M&M's are cool. Either way. Big boy pants and no looking back)

Soooo, hello summer.

Very little schedule. No preschool until September. Swim classes full until late July.

So what do we do?

Fill our days with swimming play dates. 

We alternate - because, you know, sometimes Mommy actually needs to work or grocery shop. 

My goal each day is to wear them down. Sometimes successfully, sometimes not. 

And I say again, is there anything worse than a child that so desperately needs a nap and won't take one?

(Or a Momma for that matter - needs a nap but can't get one???)

We live in Houston. 

Which means our "outdoors" activities (free) are limited to certain hours or quick stretches of time.

The indoor activities, with blessed air conditioner --- well, you have to pay for that. And then it usually costs you $14.97 at Chick Fil A on the way home.

Still trying to figure this all out. How to survive summer.

I know this. We had 5 swim dates in 8 days. Kids non-withstanding, the adults are tired. 

I feel badly. Work is slow right now so I have time to "take them to the pool". But it's not as glorious as it sounds. I am on hyper-vigilance so no one drowns, burns, or starves. And ironically, I usually am the one who ends up burning or starving. And have we mentioned that I have a heat/sun allergy? So I look AWESOME once those hives come out. But don't worry - a good dose of Benadryl at nighttime and I almost look normal again. Which doesn't speak highly of my energy level the next day. 

And so the cycle continues. It will get better. This I know.

Summer rants.

But there have been some awesome moments ---- and to see the kids enjoying their friends, the water, the relaxation, and the relaxed schedule - well darn it, don't you wish you were 3 again??? I just wish they understood the beauty of climbing into cool, clean sheets with cool, clean clothes after a 2 1/2 jaunt in the pool and sun. 

That's just a good life.

But dang it, they are cute.

Q Summer Cardiology Update.

Well, we have "survived" yet another appointment. 

I'm breathing again and looking forward to a celebratory cocktail tonight. 

Quinn was a rockstar. She didn't even cry when I dropped Ryan off to play today. She just waved and said "Have fun, Ryan! I go to the heart doctor!"

The appointment was much of the same - EKG, blood pressure, weight & height checks, the "fun" echo, and then a chat with our cardiologist. And through it all, Quinn smiled, giggled, and never whined a bit - even when they pulled off those horribly sticky EKG stickers.

And that girl has the best memory I've ever seen. After her last appointment way back in February we hit up Nordstrom Rack for some "special treats". Randomly as she was laying on the echo table (and I was subsequently complaining to Matt about the freezing room), she turned and said "Mommy, how about that special treat after?" I almost died laughing. I had mentioned nothing of special treats today or made any promises. But lord, she remembered.

(Another side note, I was a little worried about such a long appointment since we are so newly potty trained --- I brought 2 changes of clothes just in case. That girl asked to go potty three times and went all three times successfully. Yay!!!! Next up is Ryan but that's going to be a whole other battle and a whole other post. He could care less if his diaper hung down to his knees.)

And I know some people think may I go overboard on my obsessiveness with these appointments. They see Quinn running around at church or school or playdates and they wonder how anything could be going wrong. And rightfully so. They see a perfectly healthy little girl - and maybe if they look closely - a deep scar peeking out the top of her dress. 

But these heart kids are soooo tricky. You just don't know how long the equipment or repairs are going to hold out. Or how the anatomy can change in a 4 to 6 month time frame as she grows. Thus my anxiety builds each appointment. Just the "not knowing". 

Let's equate it to someone with cancer. Most often, long before a person has symptoms or feels badly, those evil cells are starting to multiply. And if you don't catch it early, the results can be fatal.

Same thing here. 

Quinn has these monitoring appointments because her branch pulmonary arteries will continue to narrow overtime and will eventually put too much pressure on the right side of her heart and lungs. And her pulmonary valve at some point will just give out. But by careful vigilance, we can catch it in time and do procedures (cath or open-heart) before it becomes life and death.

But we got the best possible news today. I think the good doctors know the best thing you can say to parents who have just watched multiple images of their child's heart bouncing around on a screen that in no way can you interpret is "Well, ALL GOOD NEWS FOR QUINN TODAY!"

Praise Jesus. 

Much of the same report as our previous appointment. The narrowing is there but it hasn't worsened since 4 months ago. In fact almost all of the measurements were duplicates of the last echo. Right side of the heart is pumping great and looks good. Pulmonary Valve is hanging in there. Her weight and height gain is on track --- which means my child will never be huge -- but again, she doesn't come from huge stock either :) She's running at about the 25th percentile. As a child I was 10% or below, so I'll take this news happily!

We confirmed again - NO RESTRICTIONS! Swimming lessons in full force come July. Hopefully soccer in the fall and maybe some gymnastics thrown in there. She can do whatever she wants. Amen.

Thank you all for your faithful prayers and dealing with my neurosis every four to six months :) We are blessed by each one of you who sent up a prayer for a good appointment today. Again, the prayers were heard, received, and answered. We love you all.

Next cardiology appointment - 

SIX MORE MONTHS!!! WHOO HOO! LOVE THE SOUND OF THAT!

And then you were three.

Dear Ryan and Quinn,

Last night your Daddy and I put down our little two year olds and in just a couple of hours I will wake up  big, sleepy three year olds.

Three.

How is that possible? It's so cliche, but darn it, this has been a fast year.

Ryan and Quinn, you are joy personified.

In three short years, you have brought more light into our lives than we could have ever imagined or dreamed of. I never knew how much I could love until we had you. Your very existence makes every.single.day worthwhile and full. 

Two years to three has been a year of discovery, challenges, excitement, and all sorts of "firsts".

Your first swimming lessons.

Your first full year at two day a week preschool.

Your first year of "talking" and expressing.

Your first year of making friends.

Your first move to a new house.

Your first big boy/girl beds.

Your first nights without a pacifier (Quinn).

Your first understanding of holidays --- Christmas, Easter, and your birthdays (yup, it's a holiday!)

Your first voiced prayers.

And so many more...

The passion that you start each day with is inspiring. Oh, what I would give to have that energy and vivaciousness of your age again! Every day is a new adventure --- even if it's just to HEB to pick up "ninas" (bananas) or shoe shopping with Mommy.

As I was reflecting last night on your lives, I realized that your daddy and I never really call you "the twins". I know that's how the world sees you. And there's nothing wrong with that at all. In fact, it's amazingly special. And the bond you share is indescribable. You truly care for each other. Always checking in with each other, attempting to get the other in trouble :), comforting one another when you are hurting, and loving the other to the moon and back. You have this built-in playmate that quite honestly, you take full advantage of, so now our roles are regulated to that of supervisors most of the time. My heart melts when I see the two of you head to head and toe to toe laying on the floor watching the latest Mickey Mouse episode. And the conversations you have? Hilarious. The fights you have? Not so hilarious but part of the deal.

But I think the reason that I don't think of you as "twins" so much (except remembering that you were born about 30 seconds apart), is you both are so very different. Almost every part of you is a yin/yang of the other. You are a perfect compatible match of opposites. And I love that. It keeps us on our toes, that's for sure. You are individuals and we celebrate that.

And let's not kid each other either. This past year, there have been some rough days. Some days that I would stare hard at the clock and will the hands to move in super sonic speed to nap time. Hey, guys? I think this is normal. And I think some days you probably wished it more than me. Toddlerhood is not for the faint of heart, that's for sure. Were there days that we all fought? Yes. Were there days that Mommy yelled more than she should have? Absolutely. Were there days when we threw things? Oh, yes. Well, technically Mommy never threw anything out of anger, but wanna know a secret? Sometimes I really, really wanted to.

There were days that I wanted nothing more to escape, to breathe, to listen to whatever music I wanted in the car, and just be. The ironic part? No sooner than I would make my escapes - whether to the grocery store or a night with girlfriends, I found myself missing you guys with all my heart. Wondering if you were happy. If you had a good bath. If you were laughing and smiling. And most likely you were. Because your daddy is pretty much the best at all those things. But I always would miss hearing you cracking each other up, overhearing your stories of the day, and playing silly games.

But you know what? Most days were great. Mommy is learning not to let a whole day be defined by super perfect slices of time. Instead, I am learning to seize a few great moments and call it a success. And by that measure, we've done well. You and I. We've laughed and learned, hugged and kissed, held hands and cuddled, discovered and played. Last night your Daddy and I were sitting outside while you guys ran your nightly obligatory "circles" on the driveway. I don't even recall now what was so precious, but we looked at each other and squeezed each other's hands as if to say "Wow. This is really our life. Our miracles, running full speed without a care in the world and laughing the whole time." It's more than we could have ever  hoped when we set out to have you. 

People say two is hard. I say two was pretty darned cool. And I think three will be as well. We are in for a ride this next year, Ryan and Quinn. I'm sure it won't always be easy. 

There will be tough moments. New challenges. New obstacles. New blessings. 

But there are a few things I guarantee: 

We will get through them together. The four of us with God leading the way.

Our love for you will grow even more. My heart has already tripled since you made your way into this world. And every day it just blossoms even more.

We will have so much fun LIVING each day. Taking it as it comes. And just a whole lotta smiling. 

My prayer for you this year is simple. Just enjoy. Live life with the same zeal and zest that you did at one and two. Three may sound pretty grown up to some because you aren't technically "babies" anymore. But guess what? You kinda are. My babies that is. Every day I wrestle with wanting to freeze time so you don't grow and letting you expand your wings to take flight. Just don't fly too far away from me yet, ok?

 I want this year to be full of fun, laughter, learning, and growing for you. I think sometimes we as parents feel the need to rush you through milestones so you can get to another, and another and another. And a vicious cycle ensues where we never celebrate where we are in that moment. Let's celebrate together, okay? And let's not rush it. Trust your momma: there will be plenty of time to rush around and "be grown up" in your future. 

Three is not the year for it. You just BE. Be yourself. Love yourself. Love each other. Love your Mommy and your Daddy. And love your God, with all your heart, mind, and soul. Because without Him, this THREE year journey would have been impossible.

Happy Third Birthday, my special little ones. I love you more than you could possibly fathom. 

Cousin Love.

I have a whole post about the twins' 3rd birthday party (a week plus in advance of their actual birthday but schedule-wise it made sense), but still need to upload pics and I have officially hit the proverbial brick wall. For now... my new favorite picture of my miracle niece and my two little (big?) ones. It makes my heart smile to see this. And when I say that Quinn LOVED her cousin, I mean LOVED.

 Ryan was totally ambivalent about K-bug until right before she left, but Q was enamored from moment one. She kissed her, hugged her, comforted her, gave her a paci, and helped feed her. It was completely precious --- and gave me a glimpse of what it would be like if Mommy had another baby.

 But that's a whole other post : ) 

Until then... my love bugs and my cousin. And I can't help but think that when my daddy looked down and saw his three grandchildren like this that he had a big ole smile on his face. Especially since two out of the three carry his big blue eyes. Love you, Daddy. 

We miss you - and wish so much you could have celebrated with us. 

Attempting to tackle the big question.

This post has been in my draft list in various forms for sometime now. I have never quite come up with the "right" words to fully express and actually hit publish. But yesterday my friend Ashley posted something similar so I figured I would give it another go. You'll have to pardon me if I jump around a bit. It's the most bare-bones post I've written in awhile. If you judge, then please do so silently)

The big question that I get asked most often?
(Most often at inappropriate times ---seriously at Subway???)

Are we done?

Having kids that is.

And the honest to goodness truth is - I just plain ole don't know.

Every few weeks Matt and I talk about it. In all honesty, he would like to have a third but he is also content with what we have now. It's me who is the waffler if you will.

Now this is probably where I will skip around. 

I've been very open with our struggles with infertility. Most of you know that we went through months and months of testing and waiting, only to find out our chances of conceiving in traditional methods were less than .5%. Not 5%. Like half a percent. And IUI's were not an option. So we turned to invitro. And once we made the decision and had our peace with that - we steamrolled ahead. When I get my mind wrapped around doing something, there's very little you can do or say to dissuade me. So off we went through the endless procedures, shots, hormones, every other day check ups, etc. And I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was the best decision we ever made. We were lucky - first time out, boy/girl twins. And God fulfilled our dreams of being parents.

Here's where it gets tricky. Back then, over 4 1/2 years ago when we started everything, all we had were our jobs and each other. So the constant doctors appointments, the bed rest, the monitoring, the exhaustion, the hormones, the crying from the hormones, and shots - and the crying from the shots...it could be handled. We didn't have two little ones running around demanding our attention.

It's a little different now. 

In my head years ago, I just assumed that we would have 2 pregnancies, 2 kids and wrap it up for the day. But twins was a game changer. It was a difficult pregnancy to say the least - not just carrying 2 but carrying 1 that had such a serious heart problem. 

And sometimes I think I would like to have another to experience a normal pregnancy, a normal birth, a normal first few months at home without carting one baby down to the med center each day to see his sister for almost 2 months.

But there's no guarantees of that, right?

I want to have one baby to rock to sleep and not feel like I'm cheating the other one.

But the problem with that? Now I have 2 toddlers so I will feel like they are being deprived.

I want another baby because I'd love to see R&Q in a big brother/big sister role. 

But they also kinda have that. They take turns being the protectors and the "bigs" with each other.

Logistics mess with my head. I feel like our life is on a "track" right now. The "babies" are more independent. We can go places and I can mostly control them, even in large stores. Life is good. Life is full.

Life feels complete at this moment.

But what if it's not? What if we are supposed to be a family of five? Is it just fear holding me back? Or is it me just being selfish of wanting to experience the above again?   

I know without a single doubt that if God blessed us naturally with a third that I would praise Him and thank Him for his grace and mercy.

But it's not that easy for us. To get pregnant takes super planning. Money. Time. Emotions. A complete and total roller coaster. Again, is it worth it? Does that relatively short span of time really and truly matter in the hopefully long lives we will lead? Probably not.

 But it's still hard for me to think about. I don't want to inject shots in my stomach again. I don't want to be subjected to daily progesterone shots in my backside every night at the exact same time for 9 weeks until there literally are no places to give the shots that aren't filled with painful lumps.*

But I know I would do it in a heartbeat if I was sure.

But my heart isn't sure yet.

Maybe because my brain is taking over where my heart should be.

I'm hoping for that magical answer, that magical confirmation - we are done or we aren't.

 And I just don't have that yet.

There are also a myriad of other issues to consider. It has been recommended that we visit with a genetic counselor given Q's heart condition (parents of children with CHD are more likely to have a subsequent child with a CHD). Her type of defect can be genetics related - and we could hear that the chances of another one could be 50/50, 80/20, or maybe 5/90. Who knows?

Of course if we had done that before Q's birth, I know for a fact it would not have stopped me from getting pregnant with the twins. I would have rolled the dice. 

And as much as I hate to admit it, I think partially I am influenced by my friends who have three and four children. They make it work - and make it work beautifully. But if I am being honest with myself, I think I need to know my limits. I need to know myself well enough of what I can handle...sanely. Could I survive it? I think so. Could I handle it fully with grace having 3 children under 4 or 5 years of age? I don't know. Most days I feel like my head could spin off it's axis. And do my children deserve to have a completely A-type of mom who is going to come unglued? Not exactly a healthy scenario.

A friend once said that if you aren't sure if you are done, then you probably aren't. I agree with this logic mostly.

 But I think even people who say "Ok, we are done at two (three) (four)", they may always wonder the "what if". 

See? It's all very confusing. Many emotions. I wish that I had clear answers. I wish I knew fully in my heart what the right decision for us was. And I just don't know yet. I"m praying for clarity. Until then, I will enjoy our family of four, our precious little family that I prayed so many years for.

*Author's note: I would never trade ANYTHING, ANYTHING for everything we went through to bring the twins here. They are my lovies, my light, my everything. I shall never consider it a burden to go through what we went through for them --- it was the utmost PRIVILEGE.*