So at one point or another in our lives, we look back and realize "we are in places we never thought we'd be". And I am so there (Kind of like the State Farm commercial, with Patrick Dempsey's voice in the background...except it isn't).
In so many ways, I have been in places that I never thought I would be. I never thought I would lose almost everything in a natural disaster (yet survive it and be better for it), I NEVER thought I would live in Houston (but have grown to love it); I never thought I would work for a church (and love it); and I certainly never thought we would be in a position to be have to consider alternate methods to have a family (but we are).
And here we are. In this place we never imagined. When we said "I do", it almost seems like a given - you'll be the happy newlyweds for a little while, travel, work your butts off - and then when the timing is right for YOU, start a family. And the key word in that is "You", because it is not our timing but His. And I have a hard time accepting that.
So about 15-18 months ago, we decided it was "our time" - our time to start a family or at least try to. So we did. Tried that is. Many months later and we have found ourselves in this place. So here we go...down the in vitro pathway. A place I never thought I'd be. But as I sit here contemplating it, damn, I am so glad this place is available to us. Without it, there might not even be the potential of kids. So this place, this time, that I never thought I would be in - God, I am so grateful. Thank you for the opportunity to try this at least. Thank you that we can be in this position.
As I sat in the doctor's office today and marveled at the absolute simplicity in which he explained everything that is forthcoming for us in the next months - I just thought of what a miracle life is. That it happens naturally is amazing. That there is science to make what can't happen naturally happen at all is nothing short of incredible.
So here ya go, Doc. Here's my check/credit card, my insane numbers of vials of blood, scans, ultrasounds, tests, histories - whatever you want. And here's my hopes. But my hopes don't go to you. My hopes and faith in the process and in this place, belong only to God. For He is the ultimate holder of my hopes. He knows the places I have gone, the places I have been and the places I am to go in the future.
"I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your heart as you trust in hHim. Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." (Ephesians 3:16-19)