Random Christmas '09

Well, Christmas 2009 consisted of our usual "Texas Tour" - wherein we travel the triangle from Houston to Austin to Dallas and back to Houston. We feel incredibly blessed to be back in Texas so we can even attempt the TX tour, but I must admit it is pretty tiring - and I am already looking forward to next year when everyone comes to Houston for Christmas. No way I am throwing two 6 month olds into the car for that extravaganza. So it will be our selfish year.

Anyway, Christmas was wonderful. We began in Austin to see Matt's family and to catch up with a few friends. Fun as always, but a little bittersweet because of his dad's health. We managed to throw back our share of tamales (a Clanahan Christmas tradition) along with other wonderful goodies. With everything going on in his family, we all decided to forgo gifts for each other - except for our princess niece Riley, of course - and just concentrate on what is truly important, which is each other. While there is something special about finding that "perfect" gift, it is definitely wonderful to just be able to enjoy each other's company as a gift. On the Wednesday before Christmas I went and had a manicure with Riley and my mother-in-law. So fun and Riley was an angel the whole time. She had her special chair and the manicurist treated her to snowmen on her toes and Santas on her fingers. Too cute.

Christmas Eve morning we packed up again and headed up to Dallas amid rumors of afternoon snow showers. Sure enough, as we made our way up 35 - down came the snow flurries. So pretty! Of course, we had to stop at our favorite Czech bakery off of 35 and pick up a few kolaches. Normally I don't allow myself such a luxury but being pregnant has completely destroyed any sort of willpower I previously had.

And it was scrumptious.

The feeding frenzy continued all through Christmas thanks to my mom's cooking and my sister-in-law's mad baking skills. I must have eaten a pound of white chocolate. In fact I get a little nauseated to even type "white chocolate". Somehow it became perfectly normal to have breakfast and wash it down with an Oatmeal Chocolate Chip cookie. As always, spending Christmas up at my mom's was absolutely wonderful. I just love all of our traditions and I can't wait until Matt and I can have our own traditions for our kiddos. We were completely spoiled by presents from my mother as usual, but it's not so much the actual present that means so much - but her heart and thought behind it.

Top of the list had to be the amazing little camcorder to start recording memories of our soon-to-be family. What a great gift - and so appreciated - love you, Mom! Of course, that favorite is quickly followed by an amazing pair of maternity pants she got me, appropriately named "The Perfect Pant" --- which are by the way, perfect. They have not left my body in 2 days so I am semi-obsessed. But to wear a pair of pants and not have to hold in my stomach --- well, I just can't explain the sheer joy I feel about that. Especially considering the non-stop eating as of late.

After 4 full days in Dallas, we finally headed back yesterday to Houston. However, as soon as we got back, Matt turned around and left for Austin. His father is now in the hospital and has a few different scary things going on. I will be heading there soon as well. Please continue to keep their family in your prayers - and specifically pray that his Dad will be comfortable and out of pain.

Of course, through the midst of all of that, our little miracle M&M's continue to shine hope into our lives. I had an appointment with the OB this a.m. and finally had my first abdominal ultrasound --- no more probing, yay!!! (My FE's office only had the probe kind of ultrasound). The babies both measured wonderfully with great heartbeats - and they were moving around like crazy. Guess they must be like their daddy and actually be morning people. Definitely not like their mom, for sure!

Baby B had both hands up the entire time like he/she was on a little roller coaster and Baby A kept trying to stick his/her fingers in their mouth the entire time. It still boggles my mind that you can see all that! I have an ultrasound scheduled again for the 25th of January to find out what "flavor" the M&M's are. My patience is certainly being tested with that but I guess if I waited 2 years to even get the M&M's in my belly, I can wait another few weeks for that appointment. I'm a little sad that I won't see my babies every week like I have been used to, but kind of relieved that I only have to go to the OB every 2 weeks for now instead of every week. Anyway, that's all the baby news for now!!!

Hope you and yours had a wonderful Christmas holiday and cheers to a blessed 2010 for you all!

Graduation Day!

Today was a big day. I officially graduated (sans cap and gown) from my "baby-making" doc and have been released to my "baby-maintenance" doc. What a huge relief to finally get my walking papers after 3-4 loooonnnggg months! Although I must say it was sort of bittersweet -- after all, the staff there has literally held my hand every step of the way. I sincerely love them and will miss seeing their smiling faces every week. They know so much about me and have held my hand through the tears and the joys.

I brought them some Christmas cookies and candies today as a thank you - but as soon as I handed it to them with my little card - it just seemed so insignificant. I mean, just how do you thank people who had a hand in actually creating life inside you??? I don't think Betty Crocker's finest quite does the trick. Oh well. I gave them the gift anyway and choked out my heartfelt thanks as I sprinted out of there before I completely lost it.

But onto the next chapter - and oh, that magical 12 week mark that I hit this past Saturday. It hasn't been as magical for me yet as it is for some people. I am still insanely exhausted with twinges of headaches that threaten to blow up on me. But 12 weeks does bring a huge measure of comfort and relief that wow, kids... we have made it this far! Only gosh, what - 28 weeks to go? Seems like forever. Patience has never been my most redeeming quality.

I know I haven't posted in awhile. I have had tremendous blogger's block, coupled with that aforementioned exhaustion - so my urge to write has been somewhat comprimised. Did I mention the headaches?

Seriously, there should be another word for them - headaches, migraines, whatever. Doesn't do it justice. At least it didn't last week.

Last Sunday I woke up with the all too familiar dull pounding in my head. Popped a couple of Tylenol which seemed to hold it at bay for awhile. Then my jaw started killing me. (I have horrendous TMJ thanks to years of stress-induced nightly teeth grinding and nothing.works.to.cure.that). When the jaw pain sets in, that is usually a sign that it is going to travel right back up to my head.

And sure enough Monday, that's what it did. I had just enough energy to make it through the day Monday - but by Tuesday.... oh. my.

Nothing could cure this bad boy. Not all the Tylenol with codeine in the world. Once I started getting nauseated and could not eat anything, then I just started getting frustrated. I called my OB who couldn't see me until the next day. No good. So I jumped in the car with blinding pain and drove myself to the urgent care - ONLY TO BE SHOWN THE DOOR BECAUSE THEY DON'T TREAT PREGNANT WOMEN DUE TO THE LIABILITY.

Thanks for nothing.

Got home, called my ob again and begged for relief. Without seeing me, she didn't want to prescribe anything else and asked me who my neurologist was. What?? Dude, I maybe had one or 2 migraines a year before this little thing called pregnancy. Neurologist is one of the few types of doctors I've never seen. So anyway, her final rec - go to the ER.

At this point, I was so miserable she could have told me to drive out to the beaches of High Island, jump in the water and do handstands for 30 minutes and I would have done it.

So I called the poor hubby (who has gotten more phone calls like this than I care to admit) and told him that I needed to go to the hospital. I am sure he was just thrilled. But he came home anyway and off to the ER hell we went.

I'll spare you most of the details of our 6 hour ordeal, but I will leave you with one bit of advice. Never ever say you just have a headache. That throws you down to the bottom of the list so fast your head will spin. Next time, I think I will mention that I have a little abdominal pain (which I did - but from nausea) and oh, by the way - I'm pregnant with twins. Actually, they knew that, they just didn't care since it was "just" my head.

Anyway, once we finally saw a doc, after crying to the poor accounting woman who just came in our room to collect the copay, they gave me what was supposed to be my savior shot of morphine and some anti-nausea thing. I asked how long it would take to feel some relief and they said about 10-15 minutes.

10 minutes passed. Nothing. 20 minutes. NOTHING. 30 minutes. DID IT JUST GET WORSE??

So I writhed in pain for an extra 30 minutes until they mercifully gave me some other shot with a name I can't pronounce -- but safe for babies, let me just say that.

After making sure it was truly better and that I was holding down food, they finally released me much to my exhausted hubby's relief. On the way home, I had a hankering for Chick Fil A... and well, let's just say, their whole "holding down food" test didn't quite work. It was a fun car ride home. And a fun night. I was so irritated to have broken my non-puking pregnant woman streak that I almost forgot about my head. Almost.

Until I woke up to that all too familiar pounding the next morning. And I promptly went back to sleep for 5 more hours. I'm happy to say that the migraines have been kept away as of recent, thank God. I am none to eager to visit the ER again soon, especially since I have picked up a lovely little cold - my first in a couple of years - from my little foray.

And now your day is probably complete after reading this inane post on my migraine trauma.

And if it's not, perhaps this will just make your day - my 12 week belly pic - which looks more like my "ate 14 Christmas cookies followed by 3 slices of cake" belly. But it is what it is. Actually, it's less for you than it is for me - I have decided the chances of my children getting some sort of beautifully made scrapbook is about nil and the best I can do is have this blog printed into a keepsake book.

Thus the pictures. And all the stupid details on just seemingly ordinary "stuff". They might care one day that they sent their mom to hospital with "just" a headache.

Or they may not.

And that's ok, too.

12 week pregnant belly pic.

The kiddos are the sizes of limes this week. Pardon the elastic band jeans. They are comfy. Although I feel strangely that I am 3 years old again and should be wearing a diaper with the stretchy band. Oh, and there's no face shot. There won't be until my skin decides to be on it's best behavior again.

Hope you all are enjoying this magical holiday season. And in case I don't post again before Christmas (which based on my track record as of late, there's a pretty good shot at that), have a wonderful and blessed Christmas Day!

In Him,

An Unexpected Gift

So today I had my weekly ultrasound and I received the most unexpected gift.

If you've read the past few entries of this blog, you know things have been kind of rough in this neck of the woods. Matt's parents are both ill and I apparently have lost all semblance of reason and crash cars through garage walls. Today was an especially tough day because Matt's dad had his first appointment at MD Anderson and we are expecting to find out the course of treatment and prognosis sometime tomorrow.

So things haven't exactly "light" around the house lately to say the least. And I have been in kind of a funk, which doesn't help matters. I am totally in that bad self-esteem pregnancy stage where I am just feeling chunky monkey and all the food I am eating is going to my face and thighs and not my belly. And couple that with the new fresh array of zits lighting up my face... well, yup - let's just say I am not glowing yet. Although someone told me the other day that my face "looked beautiful and just like a moon". Ummm, excuse me, but that doesn't really sound like a compliment to me --- moon face??

Anyway, moving on before I dive too deeply in my pit of self-despair.

So I think the babies knew that Mommy & Daddy needed some good news today. I had a nice little chat with them on the way to the appointment. I told them I would pretty please like for them to smile nicely in just one picture with the 2 of the together. I also told them to be total show-offs, show us all what you can do and how much you have grown. (Side Note: This should not be considering a forewarning for me being a stage mom, right??)

Ok, back to the probe/ultrasound - right away the two most adorable aliens pop up on the screen. That's the only way to describe them at this point. Alien-like (although they are the size of kumkuats this week in case you want to look that up) But they are bascially huge heads and bodies. The huge head part doesn't surprise me - they're coming from Matt & I's stock, and we have notoriously large noggins.

So as he is doing his thing, capturing heartrates (166 for B) (158 for A), and take measurements, I am just starting at awe at the camera. Then.

"What was that? Did you just move something around"

"Nope, that was all baby moving around there."

AWWWWWW our babies are moving - quite a lot in fact. It touched me in a way that was unexpected. Today I just thought I was going in for the weekly deal, check it all out, make sure we still had heartbeats and growth and then be out of there. So to see this, on a totally unexpected day, was completely amazing for me.

Tears did flow for the first time since we initially saw our "spots" on the sonogram.

In the midst of all the darkness, chaos and the storms in our lives, there are 2 growing little babies, discovering new things everyday as they develop into our children. They are blissfully protected from the outside stress - so that's my biggest goal right now - not to let my stress affect one iota of their development. That's my job now, The Protector. Couldn't think of anything else I'd rather watch over than these precious two.

I only wish that during all their movement they somehow could have held up a little signal, like "Hey,I'm a girl" or "Here's your boy!". I guess that would have been too much to ask :) 6 weeks and hopefully we will know and then this can really get serious.

Anyway, that's all I gots for right now - it's late and I have the pure excitement of driving to the courthouse tomorrow morning to plead my case as to why I should be exempted from serving on a jury. Those M&M's will serve as primary reason #1 and #2, followed closely by my argument that I am allergic to eggs, thus cannot receive the H1N1 vaccine and shouldn't be around people at all. And I have a couple of others in my back pocket just in case that's not enough for them. I feel bad, 6 months ago, I would have been happy and perhaps even excited to give it a shot. Right now, no. Not a good season. Try me back later Fort Bend County.

Y'all have a great week. Please continue to keep my Father -in-law, David in your prayers.

Hugs,

Pregnancy Brain...Not a Myth

Pregnancy brain is alive and well in the Clanahan house.

Or more specifically in the garage and guest bedroom closet wall.

Let me explain.

This evening I got a hankering for a Sonic diet coke. You know, after depriving myself all day. So I grabbed my keys and jumped in my car for the long trek all the way down the street. After getting halfway out of my neighborhood, I remembered I left my cell phone at home and because it's critical that I not miss a single call - I headed back home to retrieve it.

Pulled into the driveway (not into the garage), left my car running and jumped out to grab it.

Made it all the way inside to the computer room when I heard an earth shattering boom that literally made my house shake.

For 3 seconds my life passed before my eyes.

No, it couldn't be.

Really?

No.

Ran out to the garage.

Sure enough.

Car no longer parked in the driveway where I had left it.

Instead it was full up against the wall in the garage. Still running.

In DRIVE.

Oh my Lord.

Thank goodness my husband built the Fort Knox equivalent to a storage structure a few months ago - and while it obnoxiously cratered a hole in my garage wall, it did stop the car from actually going through the freaking wall.

I still can't figure out what the hell I did to be able to get out of the car, walk in front of it, make it into the house, all the while it must have been chasing me up the driveway and my stupid brain didn't even realize it. Plus, the car actually was straight enough to make it through the narrow passageway that is my garage, only to scrape the side mirror slightly.

I would love to have it on security camera just to see or at least hear an eye witness account from a laughing neighbor.

I am sure one of these days we will laugh about it - needless to say, we aren't there yet. I managed to put a good size dent in the license plate and scrape the mirror - plus, it looks like the front fender may be off a bit.

Throw that in with some new drywall and sheetrock for both the garage wall and the guest bedroom closet - and well, I think that's what you call a successful day.

As several people have told me, it could have been worse. It could have been in reverse and hit a kid or a car in the street behind me. Or I could have been in the car. Or the car could have actually gone through the house.

Hmmm. That doesn't make me feel better yet. I still feel a little sick to my stomach. Mostly because on top of everything else, dealing with this is the last thing that Matt needs for sure. Obviously, it was an accident but stressful for him just the same.

Needless to say, I am a little frightened to drive right now. It's one thing to forget your phone number or be talking and forget what you are saying --- but pregnancy brain leading to a car through the house?? That's just scary.

And perhaps I am just copping out chalking this up to pregnancy brain. There's a good chance I am just an idiot.

8 weeks and counting!

I was officially 8 weeks on Saturday. This time seems to be passing soooo slow but everyone tells me it will start to speed by and I sure hope so! I had yet another probe, I mean ultrasound, today and all still looks good. Babies are measuring great. I cannot believe how much they have grown in just a week. While I wish we hadn't had to go through the infertility process obviously, there is definitely something truly amazing about being able to watch my kiddos grow week by week like this!

Here's our latest picture of the M&M's. They are kidney beans this week!

I realize they kinda just look like blobs at the moment but I happen to think they are the cutest blobs ever!

I'm still feeling okay -- I don't want to get my hopes up but I think I may be out of the danger zone for experiencing true morning/day/night sickness. What a blessing. However, I think your body is going to get you one way or another so I have had relentless migraines for the past 2 weeks. I would almost rather be puking daily than to have a near-constant headache that completely debilitates me. The migraines were just laughing the face of the extra-strength Tylenol so my OB finally called in a prescription for Tylenol 3 - which is Tylenol with codeine. That kinda takes the edge off but it's not a cure to say the very least. I just pray that these will disappear in a few weeks once I am beyond my first trimester.

I definitely am having symptoms of pregnancy brain. I start talking and I swear, insane gibberish just pops out of my mouth - or I will mean to say one word and completely say the opposite. It's like having a stroke and Turret's all in one amazing combination. Quite fascinating. I am also super clumsy and my hips and arms have the bruises to prove it. I can't seem to make sharp turns and twice have run into the wall outside my office rushing to answer the phone or something. Cute.

Today I was in the doctor's office and I was talking with the receptionist, and when I turned to walk away, I ran smack into the wall. Yeah, that wasn't embarrassing in front of a room full of patients.

I don't know if the clumsiness is pregnancy related at all but I'm going to go ahead and claim it.

I will say that I probably have the most patient and understanding husband. Not only does he hear me complain about migraines and other aches and pains when he gets home but he's also dealing with my finnicky food selections. I was all set to cook tacos tonight having braved the grocery store yesterday afternoon -- but of course, tonight rolled around, I had a horrible headache and tacos was the very last thing that sounded good to me. So he settled in with a bowl of cornflakes while I opted for Subway. So much for family dinners.

One of the most annoying and perplexing things about what sounds good to eat is my lack of desire to eat anything in my house for lunch. I can make it through breakfast, but by the time lunch rolls around, I absolutely cannot stand the idea of having anything from my pantry, fridge or freezer. So I usually try to plan my errands around that time so I can hit one of a few different favorite sandwich places on my way home. It all takes careful planning and preciseness because if I run even 15 minutes behind on my lunch time, I am in dangerous territory - then the nausea comes full on along with the crankiness, and then I just feel sorry for the poor, underpaid workers behind the counter.

My patience as of recently is at an all-time low. I never was the most patient person to begin with, but now I feel myself burning up with rage over the littlest things. It was truly tested at the mall on Saturday as I dealt with all of the newly minted sales associates for the holiday season. After that little trip 'o fun, I came home and have since sworn off shopping until after Christmas. I promptly completed all of my holiday shopping with as little human interaction as possible -- just me, my computer, the internet and my credit card. Best thing I've ever done for myself. Now if I can just convince Matt that we should grocery shop that way too.

We are all still reeling over here from the news of last week regarding Matt's Dad. It just seems so unfair - but none of us are immune from the evils of cancer. We are trying to stay as positive as possible in light of this terrible development. While the news is horrible, we feel amazingly grateful that we have these little M&M's with us - they are a ray of light and source of hope for us all. My goal is to try to remain as calm as possible and do my best to take care of me and the kiddos. That sounds a little bit selfish, but if something were to happen to the babies at this point with everything else going on --- well, I just don't know how we could handle it.

So we continue to pray for both of his parents to be healed and appreciate the many prayers you all have already lifted up. We will keep you posted. Right now, the most immediate prayer request is to prepare Dave for a surgery he will have next Tuesday to put in a shunt that should help him with his digestion issues. We pray that everything goes smoothly and that it will bring him a measure of relief. After that, it looks like he will be coming to MD Anderson the following week -- we should hear tomorrow for sure what day. If all goes as planned, he will be here for the duration - although we still don't know exactly what that looks like yet.

We hope and pray that you all have wonderful Thanksgivings with your family and friends. We feel blessed to see both of our families this year -- Matt's on Thanksgiving Day and then mine on Black Friday. Yay - shopping with mommy! I haven't seen her or my brother and his wife since I got pregnant, so I am so excited to spend time with them - and have them tell me honestly if I look fat or pregnant :) ha. I hope to take some pictures this week and a little belly shot as well. I may have to do a comparison shot so you can tell the difference, but there is an obvious little hard bump there - and I can tell - or at least my jeans can for sure. Here's hoping that they don't button after this week of crazy eating. Bring on the pie!!!

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

Talk about being kicked while you're down

This won't be long because I really don't know much, but we are coming to you for another huge prayer request. My father-in-law, David, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer this morning. As most of you know, Matt's mom Barbara was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer just about 6 weeks ago. So everyone has been dealing with that battle, and now this.

Like I said, the info we have at the moment is sketchy - we do know that it has spread to his liver. It looks like he will be coming to MD Anderson next week here in Houston for a few more tests and perhaps treatment for the long-term. Beyond that, we just don't know.

Please lift up Matt's Dad and entire family during this latest struggle. It's sort of unbelievable that this can happen to your parents within weeks of each other. We are pretty much in shock. However, one thing I am certain of is that God is the Ultimate Healer and that all of this is beyond human capability to deal with. We must lean on Him now more than ever.

In His Hands,

Thanksgiving Blessings Times Two

First, a quick baby update - M&M #1 and M&M #2 are doing GREAT. I saw them again this morning and both of them are measuring wonderfully and still have strong heartbeats. They are now officially labeled Baby A and Baby B on the ultrasound, which surprisingly brought me to tears when I saw that. I don't know, made it more real or something, as if the previous 3 ultrasounds hadn't been enough! I feel myself growing happier each day and more willing to get excited about them. I feel like they may be here to stay :)

On a side note, I always wondered how they label them A & B. Apparently, A is the one that would be the first to slide out should the birth be a natural vaginal one. Ummmm, no. With 2 little babies, I highly hightly doubt the birth will be anything other than C-section. I literally have no hips so one would be scary enough. Thinking about pushing two out makes me physically ill. You know how people have "birthing plans"? This is mine...

Step 1. Give me drugs

Step 2. Give me more drugs

Step 3. C-Section

That's it. My birthing plan in it's entirety. No water births for me thank you very much (nothing against the people who do that --- but why? Oh why the heck would you do that??!!)

Today's picture. 7 weeks, 2 days. Sorry for the size. My scanner hates me. Baby B is on top and Baby A is on the bottom. They were not cooperating to have their picture made together. Already wanting to be independent I guess.

Anyway, with this little cold front that blew through H-town this morning (and by cold I mean like 55 degrees - stop laughing if you live in Iowa or something - that's very chilly by bayou standards!!), it got me thinking more and more about Thanksgiving. Well, that and the 7 hours of Food Network I watched yesterday - all with their Thanksgiving recipes.

I simply love Thanksgiving. It's absolutely my favorite holiday. I love the food, I love being with my family and friends, and I love that it seems less stressful than Christmas. The day is completely about being with the ones you love and not about what presents everyone got each other.

I am especially excited for this year because we have double reasons to give thanks. I can hardly believe next year we will probably have 2 little babies rocking in their swings during Thanksgiving dinner. Blows my mind actually.

This year will be extra sweet because next year we probably won't do any traveling with the babies. I really don't want to have to throw two 5 or 6 months old in a car with all their "stuff" to make the drive to either Austin or Dallas. So this year, we will spend the holiday just enjoying our families and enjoying the last Thanksgiving with just Matt and I. What a wonderful blessing.

And of course, I am super excited this year just to eat!!! No worrying about holiday pounds or extra calories. I want it all. 3 slices of pecan pie (1 for each of us, me and the two babies!), extra helpings of all the sides, the works. Yum. I am salivating just thinking about it.

Nothing is wrong with my appetite, I'll tell you that much. As long as I eat what I crave, I feel great --- and I have no problem taking down an entire hamburger and a side of fries without even blinking. So Thanksgiving will be no hill for a climber.

More on Thanksigiving later - I have a tradition post to include when I don't have tremendous writer's block.

Hugs!