A New Chapter

Next Thursday I will officially become unemployed. Not by force, thank goodness, but by choice. When we found out we were having twins last fall, I started doing a little research on daycare options. And whoa, it quickly became evident that putting 2 infants in daycare would only be worth it if I was making beaucoups of $$$.

And I work for a non-profit, so I don't :)

So next week is my last week of work and I am feeling somewhat bittersweet about it. I am excited because it means I am beginning a new chapter of "Stay at Home Mommyhood" (at least for the time being). But obviously I am going to miss my work.

Since graduating college, I have been a temporary employee at a personnel service (the economy was really bad in '02), a Center Director at an educational/tutoring center, an Investment rep/Personal Banker (5 years of h.e.l.l.) and finally, a Communications/Admin Director of 2 wonderful churches for the last couple of years .

I can honestly say that working for a church was a curveball I never anticipated as I pranced and partied my way through my college years. But God had other plans for me. And 2 1/2 years later, I am incredibly grateful & humbled to have had the privilege.

It has been the most wonderful, spiritually challenging, and engaging job I have ever held. And mostly because I didn't so much consider it a job -- instead it has just become my way of life.

Sure, not all days are perfect. Just because you work for a place of worship does NOT mean that everything is always hunky-dory and without conflict and trial. After all, we are still just flesh and human - and we fall. A lot. Way more than I would care to admit.

But there is a certain comfort in knowing that you are ultimately working for something bigger than yourself - and it's truly humbling.

And I will miss it dearly.

So now it's time to open a new chapter. To a life where sleep deprivation is commonplace, there is no salary, no 401K options, no insurance. To snotty noses, dirty diapers, and hysterical crying (maybe from all 3 of us!). To sweet smiles, cuddly coo's, and that wonderful clean baby smell. To first laughs, first teeth, and first steps.

And I can't wait.

No doubt it will probably be the hardest job I have ever held. But I am willing to try. I feel truly blessed that I have the opportunity to do so - I know that not everyone does. And I also know that it's not for everyone to be a SAHM --- I don't know if it's right for me. But we'll find out.

(Editor's note: Stay at home mom vs working mom is a VERY personal decision. Every mom has to do what is right for their family and it's different for everyone. I do NOT wish to enter into a debate about which is harder, which is better, etc. I know a myriad of success stories to support either side. For us, financially and otherwise, staying at home is right for us. But I 150% support all of the mom's who work a 40 hour+ week outside the home AND come home to raise their children. Major kuddos.)

Soon enough, I will become a mommy. Wow. I am scared.to.death. Now that the due date is quickly approaching, I am trying to switch over from "incubator" mode to mommy-mode. It can be easy to forget that during this pregnancy thing, you are actually preparing for 18+ years of parenthood. (Kind of like when you are engaged and you get caught up in "wedding fever" and the excitement of getting new china --- and you forget for a time being that you are preparing to be MARRIED for the REST OF YOUR LIFE.)

At any rate, they will be here before we know it. At our doctor's appt yesterday, he said it would probably be sometime in the next couple of weeks (I am 34 weeks tomorrow, so they would still be early, but not devestatingly so). Their growth has started to slow in the last couple of weeks - the poor M&M's are just running out of room! Right now, they are a little over 4lbs apiece and they fall in about the 15th-18th percentile. If they fall below the 10th percentile, then my doctor will induce. At that point, you have to weigh (pun intended) their potential growth in utero to their projected growth once they are born.

So we'll see! I'll go back to see him next Thursday and will hopefully have a few more answers. The great news is that even though they are on the smaller side, they still look very healthy and Quinn seems to be tolerating her heart condition very well while in utero. She's a little fighter. And her big brother doesn't cause us any trouble at all which makes Mommy & Daddy uber-proud.

Life is going to look and feel dramatically different at the Clanahan house in just a few short weeks. It is only with a small amount of trepidation & fear that I say "Bring it On" :)