Suburban Life & Strife

Aunt Edna's Chocolate Cake - $10/slice seems pretty steep until you see the "slice" - not so much a slice as it is an entire cake. And worth evern darn penny.

Ok - so I'll start this post out by saying - while being true suburbanites (if that's a word) we do occasionally leave the confines of our comfy community neighborhood associations and venture into the H-town nightlife. Last night we had the wonderful opportunity to hang out with our friends Katie & Ryan (who actually started out as friends of my brother, and I only knew Ryan as "Cooper") but have now become some of our favorite couples to go out with. Mostly because they are the same speed as us. Read: have dinner, have dessert, in bed by 11:00pm :) Wouldn't have it any other way...

This is Katie - one of the sweetest people I have met here - and genuinely a good person & so much fun to hang out with. There is no shortage of laughter or fun and we never run out of things to talk about. Too fun! (She's also a fellow Tri-Delt alum - she was UT & I was LSU - but that's just an added bonus). Anyways, we hit up the Blue Fish House first which basically is just this really cool, ecletic, sushi dive bar if there is such a thing. You pretty much sit on top of your fellow diners - but we paid no attention & I am sure they just LOVED our obnoxious laughter and conversation :) ha. As an added bonus, Ryan & Matt get along really well - so while Katie & I chat away, they seem to have no shortage of conversation. It's the best. So after stuffing ourselves with dumplings and copious amounts of sushi (although it's never enough 3 hours later, cause I am always starving again!) - we headed to the Chocolate Bar.

And oh. and my.

Heaven on earth.

No low fat/yogurt options here, folks. Just straight up fatty deliciousness - and worth every calorie. (oh and I did ask about low-fat options & I think the guy behind the counter just about died laughing at me - and then proceeded to mash 3 full scoops into my single-serve.

And did I eat almost every bite?

You bet.

That doesn't even account for the MASSIVE "slice" of chocolate cake we all shared. It was the size of an entire plate - laying down. Ridiculous.

But did we all manage to shove it down?

Absolutely. God Bless chocolate (I think there was some dark chocolate in there so I did feel a little better knowing I got an intake of some rich antioxidants)

Anyway - after a "wild night" of sushi & chocolate heaven, we headed back to the 'burbs. In bed by the end of Conan, and unconscious by the start of Jimmy Fallon. (and yes, that is how I judge the lateness of my nights now.)

So, this morning I woke up - slight pounding in the head - could be attributed to chocolate overload or the allergies that descend on Houston - either way, not feeling fab-o. But I had struck a deal with my boss to work today (he's leaving for a mission trip tomorrow & needed some admin help) so I took a few hours (or actually most of the day off Friday) to work today.

I worked a little bit on some extraneous work stuff I needed to catch up on & then headed out to take care of the tasks he needed -- he made it sound like it was going to be all this work - but really was just some copying & stapling & collating (glamorous, right?!) and the worst part was being in the big "church" on the 3rd floor with 95 degree heat and no AC. So I finished it up rather quickly (and felt rather guilty about my somewhat lax day on Friday) but, hey, he offered, right?

With some time to kill and knowing we weren't going out to dinner again tonight -- hey, we already had our dinner in the big city last night, remember??! - I headed to the hell-on-earth that is HEB.

Now, normally I heart HEB.

When they first opened, I was just so darn excited not to have to drive miles and miles just to go to an overpriced Randall's or Kroger -- to be fair - they both can have good deals but I just am too busy (read: lazy) to look for them on a consistent basis. Plus, HEB can just be exciting! (If you are in the right mood) Especially on the weekends - when they have free samples on every corner & all sorts of deliciousness to try.

And yes, this is where my true suburban colors start to show - when I post about a grocery store. Sad, isn't it?

The trip started off great - I had to return my Chi - it had been malfunctioning for about a week now, getting hot, then turning off, then heating back up, then turning off again - not good timing with Houston/humidity-hell summer upon us. My hair CANNOT be without some sort of straightening device.

And yes, I bought my Chi from HEB - that's right, friends - my HEB is a "super marketplace" or something like that - meaning you can get everything from cds, to movies to books to, that's right, Chi's. Luckily, my hubby has had some sort of good influence on me b/c I actually saved the receipt from the purchase and the original box - go figure - I normally would have tossed it but even I know you don't throw that stuff away for a $100 hair straightening device that they will replace with a brandnew one should it malfunction. So, I took care of the return and could not have been more pleased.

And then I went about my grocery shopping.

Actually, let's call it dodging.

Because all I did was dodge. Dodge in & out of aisles. Leave my cart and literally dodge into the "herb" area just to grasp what hopefully was cilantro (who can tell - it all looks like parsley & people were bearing down on me - but today was my lucky today & the cilantro was confirmed as I mixed it in with my guac tonight).
Anyway, I dodged people. I dodged children. I dodged every vendor hawking every ethnicity of food. I dodged a vendor even selling a non-alcoholic mojioto (really, what's the point??? Why waste the calories for no buzz?).

You've heard the average American family has 2.2 kids + dog.

In Katy, I believe it is at least 3.5 kids + pure obnoxiousness. And they were all at HEB.

My ovaries even started to throb. I felt like they were saying, "Meagan, don't let us become part of this madness, please.... don't let us be one of THOSE kids."

I know, I'm terrible.

I want kids. I do. I just don't want kids like that.

In my head, Matt & I have the most perfect kids known to man - polite, quiet, respectful, adored by all - I know we are in for a shocking reality jolt (hopefully) a few years from now - but one can still dream.

Well, after my exhaustive dodging and trying to break through hordes of people to find just the exact right brand & type of yogurt for Matty (I was informed this week that apparently the last few months I have been purchasing the more custard variety when really the more creamy & smooth variety is preferred - and you call me high maintenance??), I finally made it to check-out, where gratefully due to the summer influx of returning collegiates - there is no shortage of checkers. Whew, I was done within minutes.

And out to the parking lot.

Where it really gets fun.

I almost got hit by a car just walking out there (Lady (oh geez, did I just call myself a "lady".. I mean "girl", "young woman", anything but lady!!!) with basket should always trump car when in a grocery store parking lot - seriously!!!)

Find my car in the blazing 98 degree heat (high noon in H-town) - and start unloading and unloading and unloading. Somehow a quick trip to HEB to return said Chi & "pick up a few yogurts & milk" turned into a $100 shopping adventure - but hey, I have a brand new type of salsa to try. And I saved a $1.00 on an 8pk of paper towels. Oh, and $1.00 on green beans. Thanks to in-store coups. (See Lisa, I do coupon it!!... sort of.)

And then I saw the lurker.

Just waiting for me to unload so she could take my spot. It should be duly noted that my spot was not even that amazing. We're not talking front-row & even in a centralized area. But the lurker was fixated on my spot. And she was determined.

But so was I. To get my basket unloaded and organized just right in my car (bread away from large pack of diet cokes, etc). And then I had to return my cart. I am a HUGE cart returner. I am a firm believer in karma when it comes to cart returning. And I think anyone who doesn't return their cart (unless they are seriously physically handicapped - in which they probably shouldn't even try to brave HEB - or they are having actual labor pains in the parking lot), should be forced to don the tacky fluorescent vest for a day of hard labor pushing carts. Seriously, it isn't a hard thing to do. And while I can be lazy in many facets of my everyday life, cart-returning isn't one of them.

So I returned my cart & hopped back in my car - only to see another flipping cart angling itself toward my front right hand bumper.

UGHH. The injustice. The laziness. Shall I continue??

Jump out of car again. Lurker still waiting for my spot. C'mon, lady. You could have been inside the madness that is HEB already.

Out of pure spite for the lurker & feeling harrassed from the cart barrage and the endless dodging for the past half hour, I purposefully took the cart and primly returned it to the farthest cart return I could see.

I am evil. and terrible. I know.

And yet the lurker waited.

Jumped back into the car, fiddled around, found my proper radio station, casually put on my sunglasses, adjusted the mirrors, the whole works. And not only was the lurker still waiting, but she had inched up making it darn near impossible for me to reverse without hitting her. Lovely.

Finally, I had enough fun playing with the lurker, inched into reverse - and kept her inching all the way back down the parking lot until I was 200% sure that my car was straight and clear of all other vehicles before I finally put it in forward.

Whew - almost home-free, away from the madness. But then you have to get out of the lot, right? Whoever designed the parking lots & exits at this shopping center should be shot - there are pretty much only 2 ways in & 2 ways out unless you want to take a tour of the Seven Meadows neighborhood, which I was not in the mood to do. I mean, they have cops that are patrolling the entrances and exits - when they should be doing important thing like eating donuts - and instead my taxpayer money is paying for them to direct traffic b/c of the mind-numbing idiot brains of the developers.

You can probably guess by now that again, even with the patrol officer support - I was almost swiped, not once but twice by impatient drivers - all on their cell phones of course.

Oh, and did I mention that I have the most glamorous suburban life???

And apparently I was so wiped out by my shopping trip and sugar overload from the night before that I collapsed into a 4 1/2 hr coma yesterday afternoon. Well deserved, I'd say.


Anonymous said...

What a great story to begin Monday a.m. with...the HEB parking lot details were hysterical...Next time I'm at time thumb I will be looking out for the lurkers!!! Mom

Lisa said...


ps. you wont have kids like that. And if you are smart (like me!) you will go to the store WITHOUT your children. I only go to store with the girls if I absolutly have to and even then... we get in and get what we need.

OH and just smell the cilantro... I love the smell of cilantro! yum!

Amy said...

Ok, lots of commentary.

1) Why do you have to tempt me this way with the sushi and chocolate talk? I'm dying. There's a pool of drool on my keyboard. Seriously.

2)I always return my cart too. I often consider it my exercise for the day.