Pregnancy Brain...Not a Myth

Pregnancy brain is alive and well in the Clanahan house.

Or more specifically in the garage and guest bedroom closet wall.

Let me explain.

This evening I got a hankering for a Sonic diet coke. You know, after depriving myself all day. So I grabbed my keys and jumped in my car for the long trek all the way down the street. After getting halfway out of my neighborhood, I remembered I left my cell phone at home and because it's critical that I not miss a single call - I headed back home to retrieve it.

Pulled into the driveway (not into the garage), left my car running and jumped out to grab it.

Made it all the way inside to the computer room when I heard an earth shattering boom that literally made my house shake.

For 3 seconds my life passed before my eyes.

No, it couldn't be.

Really?

No.

Ran out to the garage.

Sure enough.

Car no longer parked in the driveway where I had left it.

Instead it was full up against the wall in the garage. Still running.

In DRIVE.

Oh my Lord.

Thank goodness my husband built the Fort Knox equivalent to a storage structure a few months ago - and while it obnoxiously cratered a hole in my garage wall, it did stop the car from actually going through the freaking wall.

I still can't figure out what the hell I did to be able to get out of the car, walk in front of it, make it into the house, all the while it must have been chasing me up the driveway and my stupid brain didn't even realize it. Plus, the car actually was straight enough to make it through the narrow passageway that is my garage, only to scrape the side mirror slightly.

I would love to have it on security camera just to see or at least hear an eye witness account from a laughing neighbor.

I am sure one of these days we will laugh about it - needless to say, we aren't there yet. I managed to put a good size dent in the license plate and scrape the mirror - plus, it looks like the front fender may be off a bit.

Throw that in with some new drywall and sheetrock for both the garage wall and the guest bedroom closet - and well, I think that's what you call a successful day.

As several people have told me, it could have been worse. It could have been in reverse and hit a kid or a car in the street behind me. Or I could have been in the car. Or the car could have actually gone through the house.

Hmmm. That doesn't make me feel better yet. I still feel a little sick to my stomach. Mostly because on top of everything else, dealing with this is the last thing that Matt needs for sure. Obviously, it was an accident but stressful for him just the same.

Needless to say, I am a little frightened to drive right now. It's one thing to forget your phone number or be talking and forget what you are saying --- but pregnancy brain leading to a car through the house?? That's just scary.

And perhaps I am just copping out chalking this up to pregnancy brain. There's a good chance I am just an idiot.

8 weeks and counting!

I was officially 8 weeks on Saturday. This time seems to be passing soooo slow but everyone tells me it will start to speed by and I sure hope so! I had yet another probe, I mean ultrasound, today and all still looks good. Babies are measuring great. I cannot believe how much they have grown in just a week. While I wish we hadn't had to go through the infertility process obviously, there is definitely something truly amazing about being able to watch my kiddos grow week by week like this!

Here's our latest picture of the M&M's. They are kidney beans this week!

I realize they kinda just look like blobs at the moment but I happen to think they are the cutest blobs ever!

I'm still feeling okay -- I don't want to get my hopes up but I think I may be out of the danger zone for experiencing true morning/day/night sickness. What a blessing. However, I think your body is going to get you one way or another so I have had relentless migraines for the past 2 weeks. I would almost rather be puking daily than to have a near-constant headache that completely debilitates me. The migraines were just laughing the face of the extra-strength Tylenol so my OB finally called in a prescription for Tylenol 3 - which is Tylenol with codeine. That kinda takes the edge off but it's not a cure to say the very least. I just pray that these will disappear in a few weeks once I am beyond my first trimester.

I definitely am having symptoms of pregnancy brain. I start talking and I swear, insane gibberish just pops out of my mouth - or I will mean to say one word and completely say the opposite. It's like having a stroke and Turret's all in one amazing combination. Quite fascinating. I am also super clumsy and my hips and arms have the bruises to prove it. I can't seem to make sharp turns and twice have run into the wall outside my office rushing to answer the phone or something. Cute.

Today I was in the doctor's office and I was talking with the receptionist, and when I turned to walk away, I ran smack into the wall. Yeah, that wasn't embarrassing in front of a room full of patients.

I don't know if the clumsiness is pregnancy related at all but I'm going to go ahead and claim it.

I will say that I probably have the most patient and understanding husband. Not only does he hear me complain about migraines and other aches and pains when he gets home but he's also dealing with my finnicky food selections. I was all set to cook tacos tonight having braved the grocery store yesterday afternoon -- but of course, tonight rolled around, I had a horrible headache and tacos was the very last thing that sounded good to me. So he settled in with a bowl of cornflakes while I opted for Subway. So much for family dinners.

One of the most annoying and perplexing things about what sounds good to eat is my lack of desire to eat anything in my house for lunch. I can make it through breakfast, but by the time lunch rolls around, I absolutely cannot stand the idea of having anything from my pantry, fridge or freezer. So I usually try to plan my errands around that time so I can hit one of a few different favorite sandwich places on my way home. It all takes careful planning and preciseness because if I run even 15 minutes behind on my lunch time, I am in dangerous territory - then the nausea comes full on along with the crankiness, and then I just feel sorry for the poor, underpaid workers behind the counter.

My patience as of recently is at an all-time low. I never was the most patient person to begin with, but now I feel myself burning up with rage over the littlest things. It was truly tested at the mall on Saturday as I dealt with all of the newly minted sales associates for the holiday season. After that little trip 'o fun, I came home and have since sworn off shopping until after Christmas. I promptly completed all of my holiday shopping with as little human interaction as possible -- just me, my computer, the internet and my credit card. Best thing I've ever done for myself. Now if I can just convince Matt that we should grocery shop that way too.

We are all still reeling over here from the news of last week regarding Matt's Dad. It just seems so unfair - but none of us are immune from the evils of cancer. We are trying to stay as positive as possible in light of this terrible development. While the news is horrible, we feel amazingly grateful that we have these little M&M's with us - they are a ray of light and source of hope for us all. My goal is to try to remain as calm as possible and do my best to take care of me and the kiddos. That sounds a little bit selfish, but if something were to happen to the babies at this point with everything else going on --- well, I just don't know how we could handle it.

So we continue to pray for both of his parents to be healed and appreciate the many prayers you all have already lifted up. We will keep you posted. Right now, the most immediate prayer request is to prepare Dave for a surgery he will have next Tuesday to put in a shunt that should help him with his digestion issues. We pray that everything goes smoothly and that it will bring him a measure of relief. After that, it looks like he will be coming to MD Anderson the following week -- we should hear tomorrow for sure what day. If all goes as planned, he will be here for the duration - although we still don't know exactly what that looks like yet.

We hope and pray that you all have wonderful Thanksgivings with your family and friends. We feel blessed to see both of our families this year -- Matt's on Thanksgiving Day and then mine on Black Friday. Yay - shopping with mommy! I haven't seen her or my brother and his wife since I got pregnant, so I am so excited to spend time with them - and have them tell me honestly if I look fat or pregnant :) ha. I hope to take some pictures this week and a little belly shot as well. I may have to do a comparison shot so you can tell the difference, but there is an obvious little hard bump there - and I can tell - or at least my jeans can for sure. Here's hoping that they don't button after this week of crazy eating. Bring on the pie!!!

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

Talk about being kicked while you're down

This won't be long because I really don't know much, but we are coming to you for another huge prayer request. My father-in-law, David, was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer this morning. As most of you know, Matt's mom Barbara was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer just about 6 weeks ago. So everyone has been dealing with that battle, and now this.

Like I said, the info we have at the moment is sketchy - we do know that it has spread to his liver. It looks like he will be coming to MD Anderson next week here in Houston for a few more tests and perhaps treatment for the long-term. Beyond that, we just don't know.

Please lift up Matt's Dad and entire family during this latest struggle. It's sort of unbelievable that this can happen to your parents within weeks of each other. We are pretty much in shock. However, one thing I am certain of is that God is the Ultimate Healer and that all of this is beyond human capability to deal with. We must lean on Him now more than ever.

In His Hands,

Thanksgiving Blessings Times Two

First, a quick baby update - M&M #1 and M&M #2 are doing GREAT. I saw them again this morning and both of them are measuring wonderfully and still have strong heartbeats. They are now officially labeled Baby A and Baby B on the ultrasound, which surprisingly brought me to tears when I saw that. I don't know, made it more real or something, as if the previous 3 ultrasounds hadn't been enough! I feel myself growing happier each day and more willing to get excited about them. I feel like they may be here to stay :)

On a side note, I always wondered how they label them A & B. Apparently, A is the one that would be the first to slide out should the birth be a natural vaginal one. Ummmm, no. With 2 little babies, I highly hightly doubt the birth will be anything other than C-section. I literally have no hips so one would be scary enough. Thinking about pushing two out makes me physically ill. You know how people have "birthing plans"? This is mine...

Step 1. Give me drugs

Step 2. Give me more drugs

Step 3. C-Section

That's it. My birthing plan in it's entirety. No water births for me thank you very much (nothing against the people who do that --- but why? Oh why the heck would you do that??!!)

Today's picture. 7 weeks, 2 days. Sorry for the size. My scanner hates me. Baby B is on top and Baby A is on the bottom. They were not cooperating to have their picture made together. Already wanting to be independent I guess.

Anyway, with this little cold front that blew through H-town this morning (and by cold I mean like 55 degrees - stop laughing if you live in Iowa or something - that's very chilly by bayou standards!!), it got me thinking more and more about Thanksgiving. Well, that and the 7 hours of Food Network I watched yesterday - all with their Thanksgiving recipes.

I simply love Thanksgiving. It's absolutely my favorite holiday. I love the food, I love being with my family and friends, and I love that it seems less stressful than Christmas. The day is completely about being with the ones you love and not about what presents everyone got each other.

I am especially excited for this year because we have double reasons to give thanks. I can hardly believe next year we will probably have 2 little babies rocking in their swings during Thanksgiving dinner. Blows my mind actually.

This year will be extra sweet because next year we probably won't do any traveling with the babies. I really don't want to have to throw two 5 or 6 months old in a car with all their "stuff" to make the drive to either Austin or Dallas. So this year, we will spend the holiday just enjoying our families and enjoying the last Thanksgiving with just Matt and I. What a wonderful blessing.

And of course, I am super excited this year just to eat!!! No worrying about holiday pounds or extra calories. I want it all. 3 slices of pecan pie (1 for each of us, me and the two babies!), extra helpings of all the sides, the works. Yum. I am salivating just thinking about it.

Nothing is wrong with my appetite, I'll tell you that much. As long as I eat what I crave, I feel great --- and I have no problem taking down an entire hamburger and a side of fries without even blinking. So Thanksgiving will be no hill for a climber.

More on Thanksigiving later - I have a tradition post to include when I don't have tremendous writer's block.

Hugs!

Heartbeats. Check!

Well, we have conquered another step in this process - we saw 2 little strong heartbeats yesterday afternoon. Praise God! Everything looks really good and the babies are both measuring well. Due date has changed to July 3rd (I think I know someone with that bday - huh, H? :) ) but with twins, I highly doubt that I will make it to that date, although it's a goal.

Now I feel like I can sort of take a deep breath and relax a little more. To be honest, I have been somewhat cautious in getting too excited about being pregnant. I think I have read way too much about things that can go wrong that I haven't let myself truly revel in the joy of being pregnant. I think every pregnant woman, regardless of the ways and means they achieved pregnancy, holds her breath until that magic week 12. And I guess I still feel a little anxious knowing that my body may not fully be producing everything it needs to yet to maintain the pregnancy.

However, my doctor feels pretty confident that everything is progressing as it should. So, he is FINALLY tapering down my progesterone injections (to end tomorrow - yay!!!!) and starting me on alternate means of receiving progesterone. It is still not a pleasant means of getting meds (think yeast infection, but not yeast infection medicine ----ewwww, I know. Gross.), but it beats the heck out of nightly injections and butt massages.

Which by the way, reminds me... I totally have the cure for anyone who feels like their butt is a little too jiggly for their liking and would like to firm it up a bit without doing 1,000 squats at the gym.

Simply go through in vitro and take progesterone shots every night for over 30 days -- you will have a firm butt in no time. The residual effects of the leftover progesterone in your butt kind of forms into hard lumps all over and you will have no jiggle whatsoever. It is amazing - if you can get past the unsightly lumpiness all over that precious real estate. Oh yeah, and the searing pain that comes along with the shots in the latter weeks because there simply is nowhere "fresh" for the injections to go.

Or you know what? Just hit the gym. A lot less painful.

So now, we are again in the waiting period. I will go back every week until week 11 or 12 for an ultrasound and bloodwork at my RE's and then I am officially released to my regular OB for good. Yay! I will be so glad for that "Graduation Day"!

The ever popular question has been "how do you feel?" Well, I think so far I have been pretty lucky. While I do have nausea, it is somewhat tempered by always stuffing my face. So as long as there are crackers, chocolate, and cookies (especially Subway cookies!) around, I seem to be ok. I definitely have cravings and aversions but they seem to switch up a lot. It's throwing off my grocery store trips big time because what looks good to me on Sunday does not usually sound good by Weds at dinnertime. So I have taken to going to the grocery on the afternoon I am going to cook dinner to ensure I don't have to throw out yet another meal because I simply can't stomach it.

I'm all about everything Italian and Mexican and my scale definitely reflects that. I have finally started to add on a little bit of weight from the weight I lost during the invitro process. It's been a little hard on me mentally to have my jeans fitting tighter with no obvious outward signs of pregnancy but I hope soon enough I will show and not just have this horrendous bloating feeling.

Other than the food thing, I am just plain exhausted. Thank goodness for home officing. I tend to wake up really really early -- either because I am hungry or I have to pee :) -- so my workdays have started earlier and allowed for naptime in the afternoon. Such a blessing to have a flexible work schedule. Praise the women who work a full day at "regular" jobs while pregnant -- and I'm selfishly glad it isn't me!

I still have not been released to work out at all - even a quick mile stroll around the block. Like my doctor says, now is not the time. I do miss working out or at least breaking a little bit of a sweat. It was always a great stress reliever for me. However, I know I will have to spend A LOT of time working out after these babies, so maybe it is just as well to enjoy it now. And besides, I don't know where I would find the energy. You know, after a hard day of sleeping and eating and writing blogs.

Anyway, that is pretty much all that is happening around here - and kind of sums up my life - I just roll from meal to meal and naptime to bedtime :). Sounds like my dog's life actually. We're totally on the same schedule.

Thank you all for your prayers, notes, and comments. The prayer support we have received has been nothing short of amazing and please know how much it means to us. We pray for you all daily.

Also - update on my mother-in-law, Barbara.... she is doing incredibly well and her strength through this battle has been inspiring. She will receive her 2nd round of chemo this Friday. We did find out that while it is stage 3 breast cancer, it has NOT spread anywhere else which was a huge blessing. Please continue to pray specifically that her body continues to tolerate the chemo (last week she had an infection that required antibiotics to ensure that it cleared up before the chemo hit again), that the chemo starts to shrink the main tumor, and that Barbara continues to feel well and positive. Thank you all.

In Him,

Remembering My Daddy

Barry B. Anderson

March 6th, 1944 - November 5, 2006

Three years ago today, we lost my father to a very quick but courageous battle with cancer. Since he was a man of few words, I will follow his lead and keep this post pretty brief :)

He was an AMAZING father. I wish every little girl and boy could be blessed with a dad like him. He taught me so many things over the years and I treasure every single moment we had with him, up until he took his final breath to be with Jesus.

And now that prayerfully that Matt and I are embarking on the journey to be parents, we only hope we can raise our children with as much love as was given to me growing up. He set a lasting example of what it truly means to be a daddy, a husband, and a friend.

I only wish that he could be here to share in our joy of his grandbabies, but I know that my M&M's have a very special guardian angel up in Heaven. Love you, Dad, today and always.

In His Hands,

Does anyone have a chair???

Cause I think I might pass out. That would be two little babies. Truly M&M's.

More later when I can talk.