One of my friends sent me a link a couple months ago to this awesome blog from this woman in Arkansas. It's called Kelly's Korner and if I was saavy with this blog thing I would link you to it. I'll try later.
Anyways, I started reading it & going back through some of her old posts where she talked about struggling with infertility and failed IUI treatments, etc. Her emotions were so raw and so real to me - and everything that I am experiencing right now.
What is amazing now is this woman, who was incredibly faithful during her entire ordeal, now has a precious miracle baby, Harper. She is passionate about praying for woman who want to be mothers and even has a separate prayer blog set up for us specifically.
So one late night about a week ago, I decided to leave a comment on her blog - and outlined kind of the issues we were going through - and guess what? This morning, I checked her prayer blog & there was my name - listed bigger than daylight - at the end of the blog. I was beyond moved. I think I sat here and cried for 10 minutes, just incredibly thankful that little ole me is being prayed for by people who don't know me, don't know my story - but know my desire. Wow!
So, I decided I wanted to post a poem she has on her prayer blog (I hope she doesn't mind!!) but the words are just too perfect. I know in my heart that Matt & I are meant to be parents. I don't know how it's going to happen or when, but I do have faith that it will.
I know the road we face is not easy. We will stumble. We will struggle with knowing which way to turn. We will at times, even though we are in this together, turn our frustrations on each other. We will probably even get upset with God and wonder "Why Us?". But when I think about those obstacles - wow, how similar that must be to being a parent? A parent goes through all of those things. So, thank you God, for this little "prep course" and character building. I know we will appreciate it later on.
However, just one tiny question, God...do you think I've built enough character for awhile? :) ha.
A poem for all you mothers in waiting
I have longed and waited.
I have cried and prayed.
I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.
I will take time to watch my child sleep,
I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.
I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream.
My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.
I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.
I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.
I have prevailed.
I have succeeded.
I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.
And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.
I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.