31 Days: Love Letters from Mommy, Day 14

Dear Ryan and Quinn,
Today we celebrate Quinn's real "New Heart Birthday". October 22nd will always be the day that Q got her new leash on life. September 27th was the date of her first surgery, but since we had a few, let's say, "glitches", the 22nd is the happy day.
Quinn, when I think back to that day a full year ago, I have such mixed emotions.
Relief - because they were able to figure out why you were not improving. We spent so many days between September and October not knowing exactly what was going on. We had NO idea that on October 21st you would be heading for emergency surgery for right heart failure the very next day, but we were grateful to have a solution.
Sadness - because the days leading up to that date were so filled with these feelings of despair -- not being able to just fix you and make it all better. I have never felt so helpless. And I never thought that in less than 30 days, I would send my child into life-threatning open heart surgery, not once, but twice. Signing those consents were torture.
And more sadness- Ryan. We had to be there for Quinn. We couldn't be fully present for you as you needed. You handled it with such grace. You had a host of loving family and friends looking after you but it killed me to spend consecutive 24 hour periods away from you.
Elation - Quinn, you are a SURVIVOR. You fought. You fought the good fight. And you won. 3 days after your surgery, you were awake and eating and smiling and cooing. My heart was so full to see comfortable again after being in pain for so many days.
Thankfulness - for all of those who prayed for our sweet girl. For all of those who brought meals. For all of those who cried with us. For all of those who laughed with us. For all of those who cared. We are beyond thankful and blessed by each and every one of you. We love you --- to the moon and back.
Grace - Only God knows. Only God knows what we will face. And only God can pull us through. With His mercy, we made it. I never thought I could and still can't explain how I survived it somewhat sanely. It's only God. Jer. 29:11
Thank you, Jesus, for our sweet little girl and sweet little boy. Only you know what we face in the future --- that is uncertain especially for Q. But what is CERTAIN - you hold us in the palm of your hand. Thank you for your love and mercy.
Love always,
Ventilator free - Oct 23rd, 2012

Sitting up, October 25th, 2012

Morning of October 24th, 2012

Blessed, December 2012
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1 comment:

The Wests said...

Such a sweet post, you are awesome!!